Daphni Sawyer

Letting it all out

Photo by Julia Zolotova on Unsplash

i want to have the control of my body
needed to skillfully drain water
out from each of my veins,
from all of my systems,
up into my eyes
so I can pour out
every ounce of sadness within me,
as if from a pitcher,
onto the ground,
until I’m all dried up and shriveled like a prune —
(better a desert than an ocean),
all the while holding my dog
in the grass of my parents’ backyard,
so I’m releasing while connected
to a life, a soul
that supports, values, and loves me.

©d.i.s|All Rights Reserved

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“It’s all for naught” — Eeyore, Winnie the Pooh

Doodling During my 9–5 || Image by writer

existing is so cumbersome.
so tiresome.

not boring, but
aggravating, agitating, agonizing
heart-wrenching.

some days it’s so lonesome,
others it’s rowdy —
people just crowd around
as if they have nothing better,
nowhere better,
to be.

it’s painstaking,
it refuses linearity and chooses the complex,
the complicated.

is capitalism not a metaphor for life?
you work to die;
you live to die;
and at times life throws situations at you
far more difficult
than any job could’ve dealt.

existing is so cumbersome.
and still
we live on.

©d.i.s | All Rights Reserved

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The Shame of Unrequited Love

Photo by Olena Sergienko on Unsplash

Shouts of longing
emit from me like the bright lights of a mother’s SUV;
I annoy you.

My longing is the Sun.
It hits You, The Mirror,
and ricochets off to create a rainbow;
because love is beautiful, because love is colorful.

Despite this ruckus of pure emotion,
you continue forward,
as if nothing is happening around you -
because even the loudest love
goes unheard when sent
to the wrong pair of ears.

Not a whine, not a whisper,
no soundwave makes it through.
You soundproofed your heart to me,
(only me).
I bang on the walls to be let in,
but my fists are just too small
to make an impact;

I can’t reach you.

©️d.i.s| All Rights Reserved

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From Chicklet

Photo by YIFEI CHEN on Unsplash

Loving is in your nature,
love for people and for life
cascades out from your core
onto everyone you encounter.
Through the years
your soft exterior hardened,
and your naïveté vanished.
You obsess over love,
yet you only ever half-love.
You’ll admire, you’ll adore,
then hoist up a wall
that protects and prevents you
from truly connecting to a partner.
You focus
on how much love you receive,
and neglect to give it back.
You study love,
you majored in it,
you teach it,
yet you’re ignorant to it.
To love
is to give and be given,
but your anxiety and pride
holds you back.
Unlike when you were young,
you have gotten to a place
where you hyper-focus on love
out of fear
of being alone.

©d.i.s | All Rights Reserved

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Image from alejandradepuig on instagram

Exposed
I sit on the sand,
letting salty tides fold over me,
rinsing my skin of impurities,
cleaning out cuts, scrapes.

Tiny waves mask the tears
that have streamed down my body
for a month;
just as water heals, so does time,
it just takes much longer.

All I do
is distract myself,
I wake up, check the calendar,
then wait for the sun to set,
hoping one day
enough time will have passed
so that I finally forget about you.

© d.i.s | All Rights Reserved

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A work in progress

Photo by Bernard Hermant on Unsplash

I bolt myself down

fastening myself to

the remnants of reality —

Maybe if I tether myself

to what’s immovable,

I won’t lose myself

in this chaos.

@d.i.s | All Rights Reserved

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Daphni Sawyer

Daphni Sawyer

trying to find my writing voice — has anyone seen her?